Flesh and skin and sinew shred with a jittering screech that gurgled through the Grimm’s ruined jaw. The monster didn’t slow as it crashed into Karen's claws in a tangle of motion. For a moment the Grimm tilted forward, pressed its weight against Karen in an attempt to push the girl back. Yuina brought her hand up, her palm open as she reached out, all she needed to do was touch it. The Grimm’s body shuddered as Karen’s claws carved into it, leaving behind deep gashes of broken skin filled by a hazy inconsistent nothing. It reached out as Karen wrapped her arms around its lanky frame, an angry, wet, screech as it’s hand swiped through empty space.
Yuina brushed her fingers across the back of its hand as it passed. Spongy flesh, rough skin. Grimm were simple things. When she brushed against them, even if it only lasted for a moment she could understand them. Hungry. Angry. Something that needed to eat. Something more sour lingered here, longing, obsession like slime turning water yellow and ill.
Karen pushed, her strength causing the Grimm to tumble backwards. It scraped at the thick latticework of bone around Karen’s shoulder trying to pry her off as her fingers sliced through flesh.
//... into the dark she stepped, but never did she feel free of the gaze...//
Bone and blood and shattering, lingering and longing and love turned into bitterness, hatred, despair. Karen didn't know if those feelings were the Grimm's beneath her or her own, nor was she sure if it mattered. Perhaps she did not care about such things at all.
But no, she must care. She must care, because she was so close, so close, always so close to the edge of the abyss. It was so easy to fall in, but how hard would it be to climb back out once again? Would it even be possible? Or would she find the filth at the bottom quite contenting to wallow in, and forget what the sky above had once been like?
She must care.
It hurt, as she stepped back from the precipice, because the rage no longer masked the pain. She could feel the shattered bone, the torn skin, the horrible twisted things that had become of her own flesh and bone and blood. What she was now was so close to perfection - no. No. Not perfection, that was not right at all. Karen shivered, but the Grimm was still there, its claws tearing into her shoulder, and she plunged her own claws into its throat, tears streaming from one eye and blood from the other.
Bone splintered. A spray of blood colored the walls. Rage consumed the air. It clung to her shoulders, pressed against her, screamed into her ears. So much of it that Yuina felt like she were suffocating with each breath. She couldn’t tell it apart. The rage that hated her. The rage that pleaded for her. The rage that needed her. It was all so loud, so impossibly loud. How could no one else hear? Why was no one else coming?
“Karen! I…”
Yuina reached her hand out, swatted at the rage, but the emotion evaded the tips of her fingers. Silence. She just needed a moment to think. To help. If she could just… that little voice that pleaded for her, Yuina reached for it, she clung to it so tightly that she could feel it spreading across her body like a wild flame. Yuina exhaled. Karen needed her because she was going to hurt herself. Because deep down she was hungry and Yuina could help.
Her body moved. She brought her hands together, as if offering up a prayer, and that knot of rage that had been twisted around her chest loosened. Yuina took a step forward and the rage around her was swallowed in the silence. She knelt next to Karen. The Grimm jerked and twitched, it’s body dissolving away into smoke in the growing tranquility as it stared up at her, eyes glittering like a polished coin.
“It’s okay Karen. I’m sorry I took so long.” The Grimm’s arm crumbled away as Yuina wrapped her own around Karen’s shoulders. She pulled her friend close, squeezed her tight. “You must have been so scared. But you’re okay now.” Her words filled the silence, a whisper in the stillness of the hallway.
//... into the dark she stepped, but never did she feel free of the gaze...//
Somehow, through the terrible darkness, the rage started to fade away. It dispersed like a black mist, and Karen felt... other things. Not rage. Not hunger. She felt Yuina's arm around her, and she turned towards her friend and leaned in, swallowing a lump in her throat.
"S...sorry."
A word. Words were hard, so very hard. It was only a whisper, but it was a little something. Maybe she should have been scared of the words, but the words weren't just for anyone. This one was for Yuina, for the arm around her shoulder, for the voice that pushed back the darkness. Karen was herself again, and all the traces of her horrible transformation had faded away, leaving her just a girl, scared and worried and... loved.
Yuina was her friend. And maybe, just maybe, it would be okay.
“That’s okay.” Yuina whispered too, because it felt as if that would be enough. She held Karen, ran her hand in a slow circle along her back as her mother always had when she needed a good long cry. And that was fine too, letting the emotions spill away. “You’re okay, and I’m okay.” She rested her forehead against Karen’s, a smile that existed on the corners of her lips. The emotions lingered on her fingertips, not rage, no that was gone, but those bitter things that languished alongside fear and sadness.
“You’re my friend, so it’s okay. You’re still here, so it’s okay.”
———— ~ ———— ~ ————
The shadows lingered in the disused comers of the room where the plum blossom wallpaper peeled in long yellowed strips and husks of dead insects gathered. A solitary man sat in the room, or something that held the shape of a man in the least, his features cast in long shadows by the blue glow of his monitor until all that remained distinct about his appearance was the glittering of sickly yellow eyes. Long fingers clacked across the keyboard as a silent video played. It was the third time through, perhaps maybe the fourth, but still he stared. One girl dressed like a monster, the other in a fluffy dress, and the real monster evaporating into nothingness. It wasn’t different this time, all the parts played as they had before, but still he couldn’t help but watch.
“Well? Did you find your answers?” A chatroom icon flickered, a yellow butterfly.
“Many, but none.” The man wheezed, a dry croak deep which rattled in the throat. “She didn’t touch it, so I don’t know. And that other power is, new.”
“A waste then?”
“No, no, the little beastie, she is…” a labored breath was followed by an empty sound of cracking. The man sighed, contentedly. The part of the video where ichor sprayed. “Vulnerable.”
“Don’t disappoint me again, Désir.” A bell chirped as the chat room closed, and Désir’s golden gaze returned to the security footage. Two girls crying as a little morsel of shadow unfurled back into the emotions which granted it shape. He drew a breath, long and full as if he aimed to empty the room of air as the footage began again, from the beginning.
———— ~ ———— ~ ————
“That must have been frightening for the two of you.” Akamine said, her pen once more scrubbing notes in the margins as a look of sympathy crossed through her light gray eyes. Yuina only nodded silently in response. “And that was the first time you were able to use that power?”
“Yes, it was.” Yuina said. The lawyer flipped through a few pages in her stack, a frown formed as she underlined a sentence before returning to her place.
“Now, returning to where we were in the story, an investigation found that the Grimm had entered through your window?”
“Yes, I had left it open to let some fresh air in before I went to class, and the detective thought that’s why it chose my room.” Yuina said.
“And do you agree?” Akamine asked.
“I—“ Yuina shook her head. “Grimm don’t do that, do they? Climb up several stories to hide in a room when there are closer people around. But the detectives didn’t agree.” She ran her thumb across the top of her cup before bringing it up to her lips. The lawyer nodded.
“And after that?” She asked. Yuina set her cup back down and looked over at Karen, before she started to talk.
“There was a meeting, a sort of formal event with a lot of the newly signed magical girls like we were, that Monarch made a surprise visit to. And around that time I felt like we were, I don’t know, being targeted? More Grimm acting strangely, like the one in my room.”
//... into the dark she stepped, but never did she feel free of the gaze...//
Karen had been trying to be calm - to be patient, to be respectful. This conversation was... only a conversation, wasn't it? Yet the longer it was, the harder it was to stop feeling tense, to stop feeling like she was in a fight. Yuina told them about that day, the day when the Grimm had invaded her room, her space, her trust. For the lawyers, it was just a statement of facts, something that had happened. A recitation.
But they hadn't been there, of course.
It hadn't been the same after that. Something had broken, and even if Karen didn't speak about it, she knew it was there. Yuina's words about the investigation, quickly glossed over, the less said the better - but it hadn't been right. How had the Grimm climbed into the window with those claws without leaving marks? How had it even fit its lumbering body through in the first place?
No, there were too many questions. Whatever had happened, it wasn't the Grimm coming in through the open window, and if people were saying that it was... They were fools, or they were lying. Either way, they were dangerous. It was different for Yuina, Karen thought. Yuina trusted people, or she tried to. She wasn't a fool, though, and she wasn't satisfied with the results of the investigation either, but she didn't say anything and Karen... couldn't.
But something had broken that day, and she knew now that Yuina wasn't safe in her room any more. Karen had started slipping out of her own room at night, moving silently through the hallways, taking up a guardian's post in the corner alcove where she could watch Yuina's door while she slept, where she would be able to feel the sickly taint of the Grimm if they came close again. She knew it probably wasn't the right thing to do, but it was the only thing left. She couldn't bear the idea that something might happen when she wasn't there, and so she watched, silent, her eyes glittering in the shadows, sometimes with the barest hint of gold.
Yuina didn't mention those nights. Karen wasn't about to, either. She let the story slip by, moving on to the next event, her attention half before her and half, as always now, on the shadows.
===
The meeting itself set Karen's nerves on edge in an entirely different way than had been usual lately. It might have been a relief, if she had dared to let it be. Social events were not something that Karen had a lot of experience with - or any experience at all, really. There had been the signing, but that had been... different. It had been sitting somewhere, signing things. It wasn't like this, where they were expected to meet other magical girls and... Karen wasn't even really sure what they were supposed to do, really, but Yuina would know, and she would stay with Yuina.
The awkwardness started before the event, of course. Formal had certain connotations, after all, and while many of the magical girls could just transform if they wanted to look their best, that wasn't going to work for Karen. She owned her school uniforms and a few casual things - nothing at all that could be remotely construed as formal.
Whether she liked it or not, she was going to have to get something different. Having spent most of her life a recluse had not given Karen much in the way of a fashion sense, and she had to admit that she had absolutely no idea what she was doing. Even the idea of shopping was worrying to her, because of all the people out there - people who would look at her, who would have feelings, who were... just people. What if something went wrong? What if she went wrong?
That was why Yuina was there, of course. That, and because hopefully at least one of them had some idea about what they ought to be wearing to the upcoming event, and it certainly wasn't going to be Karen.
It was a silly little thing really, everyone getting all worked up over some formal event to celebrate the newly contracted girls. Still, Mr Sawai had impressed upon her how important this event was as compared to all the other events that he had called quite important for two rising stars. That was another sort of silly little thing, wasn’t it? Trying to get so famous that you have to wear a disposable mask just to keep others from recognizing you. Parts of it were nice, like seeing the mute boy who had just felt a little more, seen perhaps, accepted maybe, when he saw Karen. But, other times it all just felt so…
Yuina’s fingers flipped through the dresses in the rack as she looked over each one. She had come with a plan that she thought was a pretty good one: find something cute but modest for Karen, something she could feel comfortable in, and something a little flashier for herself. That should keep Mr Sawai happy, right? As long as one of them stuck out for the camera. Yuina pulled a dress out of the row and held it up for Karen to look at, it was a pretty purple, deep with golden pinpricks that caught the light like the stars over New Kyoto. A skirt that went past the knees, long sleeves that tapered to a sheer fabric from the elbow down to the wrist.
“What do you think? Would you like to try it on?” Yuina asked.
//... into the dark she stepped, but never did she feel free of the gaze...//
Yuina held up a dress, but Karen shook her head. She wasn't exactly sure what was wrong with it, just that it wasn't right. For a moment she hesitated, waiting for the reasoning to make sense to her, then signed something quickly. Yuina might not catch the sign though - it was something they were working on, but it wasn't perfect yet. Karen shifted her attention to the bag at her side, taking out a tiny white board and marker, writing the words no gold on the board. Gold was the color of the Grimm, wasn't it? Their eyes, their hunger, their...
Best not to think too much about that, maybe - but gold was the wrong color, especially for Karen. Especially when she was... well, the way she was. She was close enough to the Grimm as it was, and she didn't really want to remind people of that. Or maybe she just didn't want to remind herself of that, Karen wasn't sure. Still, no gold. She reached out, touching the dress, dragging her fingers across the rest of it. It was... nice, otherwise. She didn't have anything like that. Karen usually dressed in a way that she wouldn't be noticed - something that would let her fade into the background, unobtrusive, faded, muted.
But... maybe. She didn't really want the spotlight, but Yuina would be there - and she wanted to look nice for Yuina. For... some reason.
Karen smiled, then signed again. Pick something else.
“Yeah, it’s not good enough.” Yuina said, returning the dress back to the rack. A frown crossed her lips as her gaze flicked across the other dresses on offer. Perhaps she was thinking about this all wrong? Karen wanted something else, so wouldn’t it just be better to try to find something that she would just like to wear? Yuina tapped her index finger against her lip for a moment before she glanced back at Karen, catching the girl’s eyes for a moment. Gold was definitely no good, it was hungry and vicious but Karen was more what she was now.
“How about this?” She slid another dress off the rack, a lighter shade of purple that seemed like it would go well with her eyes. The skirt was shorter but ruffled with a sash along the hips. “If I went in my transformation we’d look like twins with this dress.” She said with a light laugh.
//... into the dark she stepped, but never did she feel free of the gaze...//
A glimpse of purple caught Karen's eyes as the dress moved off the rack and into Yuina's hands. It wasn't like a flash of gold or a spatter of red, it was just... purple. A bit bolder than what Karen usually wore - a lot bolder, really - but Yuina's comment about twins made her glance up in consideration. That was... nice? Maybe? Was that what she wanted? Karen didn't have any sisters, much less any twins - she didn't know what that was supposed to feel like.
But she wanted to be with Yuina, at her side - not just in the awful parts, when the Grimm were all around them, but in the other parts too. The quieter parts or even the louder parts. If Yuina was there, it would be all right - and there had to be more to things than just one Grimm after another, didn't there? She reached out, her fingers trailing through the ruffles of the skirt, then cautiously took the dress from Yuina, holding it up against herself and trying to picture what she'd look like in something like this.
That was about impossible. Karen had never worn anything like this, it seemed... strange.
Strange, but maybe not a bad sort of strange. She hesitated one more time, more out of habit than anything else, then gestured towards the fitting rooms. She might not be certain about wearing something like this... but she was at least willing to give it a try.
“I think you’d look very cute,” Yuina said with a smile as Karen held the dress up to her chest. It felt a little odd, seeing Karen with a dress, but that wasn’t a bad thing just different to the usual. It was a nice color, in her opinion anyway she thought that it suited Karen well. She nodded in agreement as Karen gestured towards the changing room.
“Good idea, it’s no good if you don’t like wearing it.” She said, offering Karen her hand before walking with her to the changing room. It was nice to do something like this with a friend, it helped make the other little things that had been bothering her feel small and far away. She was here for her friend, and that was all she needed to be.
“I’ll wait here for you.” She said, stopping outside the threshold offering a supportive smile. “And if you don’t like it, we have plenty of other dresses to try.” She added with a light laugh.
//... into the dark she stepped, but never did she feel free of the gaze...//
Yuina seemed to like the dress. Karen wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that. Happy, maybe? Approval wasn't something she was really used to, especially for something as simple as this. If Yuina liked it, though, it was certainly worth trying on.
When Yuina offered her hand, though, Karen froze. She could see, in her mind's eye, the marks on her father's arm. The scars, when they had faded to scars. The bloody rents, when they had not. They were never too deep, and he always seemed to understand, but... still, Karen was all too aware of how easy it was for her to hurt people. One mistake, and Yuina could lose a finger, or a hand.
Except Yuina wasn't like Karen's father. For all that he had raised her and cared for her, when it came to things like this, her father was helpless. Yuina... Yuina was never helpless. Yuina could stand before a Grimm with nothing more than an outstretched hand, and fracture it into nothing more than smoke and memory. Karen wasn't harmless, but... Yuina wasn't helpless.
And Yuina knew. She knew exactly what Karen was, what Karen could do. Yuina wasn't offering a hand unknowing of what it might mean - she was offering a hand because she knew, and because she had decided to do so. Didn't she have the right to make that choice, to choose for herself? Why should Karen take it away from her.
So, carefully, Karen placed her hand in her friend's, letting their fingers twine together. It was... nice. It was really very nice. She didn't know how to feel about that, either. She didn't know if she was relieved or sad when they reached the dressing room and it was time to let go. Slipping into the room gave her a minute to try to sort it out, but no answers came to her then, either. Karen supposed that she wasn't going to get anywhere thinking about all of that right now, so instead she carefully undressed, avoiding looking into the mirror until she had pulled the dress on and zipped it up.
The Karen who looked back at her looked like someone else. Someone... more confident, maybe. Certainly someone more open. Karen didn't quite know how to feel about that, either. Should she hide, or just take it off and put on her regular clothes again and not think about it? But... Yuina was waiting for her, so Karen made herself take a silent breath, then open the dressing room door once more and step out for inspection.
She wasn’t pushing too hard was she? Yuina leaned against the doorframe as she waited, rolling the fabric of her shirt between her fingers. She could always be overthinking things, it was easy to get caught up in your own head. It was just a dress for a little corporate party, so clearly she was worrying too much about it. But, Karen was more than just her transformation and it would be nice for others to see that, Yuina felt, and possibly even for Karen herself more than anyone else.
It was silly, but she couldn’t help but think of that little boy who had wanted Karen’s autograph and Yuina couldn’t help but more could see Karen as the boy had. Someone who was trying her best, someone you didn’t have to be scared of.
Yuina pulled in a breath as she waited, looking up as she heard one of the changing room doors reluctantly open. Yuina smiled as Karen carefully stepped out of the changing room. It was strange to see her in a dress, but it was the nice sort of strange wasn’t it? It wasn’t her usual style, more eye catching than Karen ever tried to be.
“It really makes your eyes glow, doesn’t it?” Yuina said, walking over to her friend, “you look really pretty, but,”
This was the more important part wasn’t it?
“Do you like wearing it?”
//... into the dark she stepped, but never did she feel free of the gaze...//
Karen wasn't sure quite why she had been so nervous, waiting for Yuina's approval or disapproval. She was nervous... well, all the time, really, or at least she always had been. That had faded a little, lately - since she'd met Yuina. Since she'd made a friend. Somehow, though, all of it had come rushing back for a moment - what it Yuina didn't like it? Somehow that would have been worse than never having tried it on at all.
But... Yuina did seem to like it. And she said it was pretty.
Actually, she'd said Karen was pretty. Karen wasn't sure what to make of that comment, but her cheeks felt warm. She tried to focus on the other question - do you like wearing it? Karen wasn't sure about that. She shifted a little bit where she stood, and the skirt swirled, swishing about her legs. That was... what was the word for it?
Fun?
She moved again, the skirt swishing back the other way, capturing something that was almost a smile. Karen hid the expression again, quickly, then shrugged her shoulders a little. No, that wasn't strong enough. She straightened a little bit, then nodded.
Yes, she rather did like it. For... a few different reasons, maybe.
Yuina smiled while she waited for Karen to contemplate the question. She wiggled in place, not quite spinning but causing her skirt to swish around her legs as a faint smile crept onto her lips. The smile didn’t linger with Karen for long, but it was sweet and Yuina couldn’t help but smile herself. Karen always kept her emotions close to her chest, so even if it was just a little slip behind the mask Yuina couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter at the little twitch of a smile.
“I’m glad you like it, we’ll need to find some excuses to dress up later.” Yuina said with a light laugh. Was that a silly thing to say? Yuina shifted in place, a little awkwardly as she watched the skirt sway before she looked back over her shoulder, if only to hide the touch of embarrassment she felt.
“Right, uhm,” she brushed off her skirt with the side of her hand as she looked back to Karen. “We didn’t get to go to the cafe a few days ago, would you like to try today?”
//... into the dark she stepped, but never did she feel free of the gaze...//